Faith

Beauty in the Struggle

~ psbrittanykayla ~ 2 Comments

I’ve dealt with insecurities my entire teen and adult life. I’d always find myself on some sort of diet and wearing some sort of makeup, needing some sort of confirmation. These insecurities were so intense that they affected almost every single area of my life. Life is exhausting when everyday you wonder if you are good enough. It wasn’t until recently, when I decided to find the root of these issues that my perspective of myself changed.

I went back to my childhood. I pulled out an old diary that I kept from elementary school through high school. I realized that my insecurities began as young as 3rd grade. Bullying started in elementary school. Not feeling good enough started in elementary school. Almost every entry was about wanting to start diets, wearing makeup, finding a boyfriend, or how I could become prettier.

As I read through the diary, I began to cry. I couldn’t believe that little Brittany was worried about these things when I should have been worried about things like making the soccer team. I felt as though I was robbed of my childhood. But I refused to let that little Brittany stay alive in me today. I made it my mission to find confidence within myself.

I asked God why He let me feel a self-hate so deep at such a young age. Almost instantly the answer came to my mind. “You are going to help other young girls that are dealing with the same things you had to.” I didn’t know that in a few months that promise would come to pass.

I was already working with kids but a position opened up at a new school and I took it. This is where I realized that I had to go through the things that I went through to truly empathize with the students, particularly the girls. These girls were dealing with bullying, insecurities, suicidal thoughts, depression and some were crying for attention from boys. I made it my duty to sit down with these girls in a therapy-like session to make sure they knew they were beautiful and that they always had someone to talk to. In one exercise, I had the girls write 10 things they loved about themselves and 10 things they didn’t. Most of the girls wrote with ease the things they hated. One girl wrote 12 things in particular, but she couldn’t find one thing she loved.

I almost cried when one of the girls, who reminded me of myself, explained her issues to me and said that she wishes she could be more beautiful like “Ms. Brittany.” I explained to her that she is beautiful and that when I was her age, I went through the exact same things she was. Then I explained to her my own story and she began to cry. Knowing that I am making that kind of impact in my student’s lives is the ultimate reward for me.

I say all of this to explain that we all go through hard times in life. Whether you have childhood trauma, mental health issues, financial issues, relationship issues, or you’re mourning a loss; something beautiful is in the making.

So hold on tight and keep your faith strong. There’s always a rainbow after the storm.

xo, Brittany Kayla

The dream GOD gave me that put my frustration to rest!

~ psbrittanykayla ~ 3 Comments

A few nights ago, I cried myself to sleep. I began to feel like my life was remaining stagnant. I have such big plans for my future that when things slow down I get nervous. And when I don’t see God doing the things I want Him to do in my life, I get frustrated. I started reading horoscopes more than I read the Bible because I began to lose hope.

But when I fell asleep, I had an odd dream. In the dream, I was at the mall with a cousin. Suddenly an alarm went off for a big storm coming through the area. People began running frantically for safety. I remember seeing the walls of the mall crumbling down as waves of water from the storm came colliding. My cousin and I were desperate to get home to our families so we caught a ride from a little boy. After driving through the storm, the little boy dropped us off to my cousin’s house. However, I wanted him to take me to my house so I could be with my family. I begged and pleaded him to take me home. “Please, please take me home so I could be with my family!” But after several attempts, his final answer was no. The boy wanted to go home before the storm got too bad. Defeated, I walked with my cousin to her house, but to my surprise, my family was there.

When I woke up, I thought to myself, “Wow, they ended up being there all along.” If I had actually gotten my way and he took me to my house, I would have been disappointed and alone.

God wants me to tell you that sometimes, when we are going through a storm, we have our own ideas of where we should be, and get frustrated when we don’t reach that destination. You might never reach that destination. But the place God has in mind for you will be so much more rewarding and beneficial.

I then started to think about the little boy who gave us the ride. I actually recognized him from real life. I work for a children’s program and the boy, named Micah, is actually the tiniest child in the program. Although, he is too small to be driving a car, I relied on him in the dream to take me to where I wanted to be.

Sometimes when our faith in God decreases, we start relying on people or things that are UNQUALIFIED to take us to our desired destination.  God then told me to look up the meaning of the name Micah, and I found out that it means “Who is like God?” And of course the answer to this question is no one!

I needed that reality check. I needed to be reminded that horoscopes are not God. People are not God. I am not God. So what I have planned for my life just might not be what He does. And that is okay, because what He has in store for you and me is so much greater than we could ever imagine ourselves. Don’t be discouraged. God has a plan.

xo, Brittany Kayla

When Life Spins Out of Control

~ psbrittanykayla ~ 2 Comments

My Easter definitely didn’t go as planned, as I had gotten into my very first car accident. I was actually on my way to church, driving on the highway, when my rear tire popped and car spun out of control into the side of the highway ramp. When the tire first popped, I thought I’d be able to safely brake and pull

over onto the side of the highway. But once my car started spinning, I realized I had zero control over the situation. I didn’t know what to do. There was nothing I really could do. I could have tried to maneuver the wheel in different directions to avoid hitting another car, but that might have made the situation worse. I could have asked my passenger what to do, but they wouldn’t have had the answer. The only thing I knew I could do, was call on God. As the car spun, I held onto the wheel tight screaming, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!”

My car ended up landing safely on the side of the highway where no cars could interfere. Both my passenger and I left without a scratch. You see, when all of your faith lies in God, He will become the first one you call to for help in the midst of your life spinning out of control. I realized that some situations are just too big for me to handle on my own, and relying on friends can be problematic. But if your life is spinning out of control, and you give your issues to GOD, He will ensure that you end up landing in a safe and comfortable place.

A lot of us say that our faith lies in God, but He’s the last one we call on in the midst of our storms. Why is it that when we get bad news or are going through a tough time, we run to the phone and call on people who have zero power over the situation? Why is God, who has all control, not the first one we run to?

Some of us even try to handle our storms on our own. A few hours after my accident, I heard the news about Steve Stephens, a man who senselessly murdered innocent Robert Godwin Sr. on Facebook live. Stephens claimed Godwin was his 14th victim, and he had been killing innocent people all day simply because his life reached its breaking point.  As I watched this man’s video explaining why he did what he did, all I could see was a cry for help. I don’t know what Stephens was going through, but I can’t help but to think, “if only he gave his problems to God.”

Even when you’re at your breaking point, and you feel like no one is there, call on God. Even when you feel like He’s not listening, still call on God. Even if He doesn’t respond right away or as fast as you prefer, call on God. Even if He doesn’t handle the situation the way you want it to be handled, still call on God! When your faith lies in God, you can have peace, even in the midst of your storm and life spinning out of control, that He will work it out the RIGHT way.

Stop trying to take control of the wheel and maneuvering it in different directions. Stop calling on your passengers for answers. Hold on tight, and call on the one who has all control. “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! Take control of our lives!”

xo, Brittany Kayla

Why I am never worried about my future

~ psbrittanykayla ~ Leave a comment

I am never worried about the future. I have so many plans and aspirations for my life. And when I really think about it, it’s so scary. It’s scary to think, what if it doesn’t go my way? What if I end up with a mediocre job, a lifeless marriage, a few kids and a dog? While all of that is fine, it’s not what I envision for my future. I want more out of life.

Being Christian, I know that everything might not go my way. God’s plan might be way different than what I want. I also know that whatever His plan is for my life, will always be greater than what I had envisioned for myself. With that being said, I am never worried about my future.

At the same time, I’ve realized that I can’t make my own decisions and then expect for it to align with what God wants. You have to pray before making big decisions in life. Pray that God will guide you in the right direction. Sometimes we don’t know what to do, and no amount of advice from any other person in this world will make you feel more secure than the direction of God.

For example, I’ve tried to make my own decisions when it came to relationships. I would say, “This is the one. I want him to be the one I marry one day.” With no regards to if this is who God had designed me to be with. What if he has someone so much better for me?

I remember I was in a relationship and I told God, “Okay. I need you to tell me if this is the one. Remove him from my life if he will ever hurt me in the future. I don’t want to waste another day on someone I am not meant to be with. Please, give me a sign.” A couple days after that prayer I found out some things that showed me, he is not the one for me.

And then I thought, had I just prayed about it before… Prayed about the decision of being in a relationship with this man, I would not have gotten hurt.

If you allow God to lead your life, you will have nothing to worry about. Of course you will go through trials and tribulations, but always remain faithful to God, and He will bless your life. I promise. Give Him control.

xo, Brittany Kayla