insecure

A 12 year old’s guide to dealing with social anxiety

~ psbrittanykayla ~ Leave a comment
(This post was written by one of my seventh grade students who has social anxiety. She wanted to help other’s who may be going through the same things by writing this post. Enjoy!)

Have you ever felt anxiety? I used to feel like I didn’t belong or like I didn’t fit in. I didn’t fit in with the popular kids and didn’t know the drama they went through. I felt like if I were speaking to someone my age, they were speaking negatively of me. I felt confused about friends, wondering if they were even really my friends. I felt like I wasn’t supposed have these feelings. Kids shouldn’t have anxiety. Right? But I realized that if I am sad and lonely all the time, then I will never be happy. So I did my best to get over these feelings. Here are some of the things I kept in mind that helped me with my social anxiety.

  1. Fake the shyness away

I tried to forget about what other people were thinking of me. So let’s say you’re sitting with the popular girls or something. Try to act like they’ve been friends with you forever. Stop overthinking and just enjoy the moment.

  1. Train your mind

Happiness is a choice. When you have anxiety, negative thoughts in your head all day are very common. But you should train your brain to think of the positive instead of the negative. You will end up being happier, and trust me, feeling happy is awesome.

  1. It’s okay to have these feelings.

I used to feel like I was the only kid who had anxiety. But then I heard some of the other girls my age talk about their experiences with anxiety and depression and I realized that I am not the only one who feels this way. People from kids to adults experience anxiety and that is normal.

  1. It’s okay to be different

I felt like I was different because I am the only girl at my school’s program who plays soccer. I stopped playing in school because I felt like I was weird. But I realized that if you are your true self that you will be happy. And when you are your true self, the right friends with similar interests will come along. I play soccer in school again now.

  1. It’s okay to be alone sometimes

Now I have and talk to more friends but I also spend a lot of time alone too. I like my alone time. Sitting by yourself does not make you weird. It lets you recharge your mind.

I changed a lot and now I am happier. I am dancing to happy music in my room like nobody’s watching! Being weird is a gift. It just means you’re different, and it makes other people smile.

Love,

Iraiz Bautista

Beauty in the Struggle

~ psbrittanykayla ~ 2 Comments

I’ve dealt with insecurities my entire teen and adult life. I’d always find myself on some sort of diet and wearing some sort of makeup, needing some sort of confirmation. These insecurities were so intense that they affected almost every single area of my life. Life is exhausting when everyday you wonder if you are good enough. It wasn’t until recently, when I decided to find the root of these issues that my perspective of myself changed.

I went back to my childhood. I pulled out an old diary that I kept from elementary school through high school. I realized that my insecurities began as young as 3rd grade. Bullying started in elementary school. Not feeling good enough started in elementary school. Almost every entry was about wanting to start diets, wearing makeup, finding a boyfriend, or how I could become prettier.

As I read through the diary, I began to cry. I couldn’t believe that little Brittany was worried about these things when I should have been worried about things like making the soccer team. I felt as though I was robbed of my childhood. But I refused to let that little Brittany stay alive in me today. I made it my mission to find confidence within myself.

I asked God why He let me feel a self-hate so deep at such a young age. Almost instantly the answer came to my mind. “You are going to help other young girls that are dealing with the same things you had to.” I didn’t know that in a few months that promise would come to pass.

I was already working with kids but a position opened up at a new school and I took it. This is where I realized that I had to go through the things that I went through to truly empathize with the students, particularly the girls. These girls were dealing with bullying, insecurities, suicidal thoughts, depression and some were crying for attention from boys. I made it my duty to sit down with these girls in a therapy-like session to make sure they knew they were beautiful and that they always had someone to talk to. In one exercise, I had the girls write 10 things they loved about themselves and 10 things they didn’t. Most of the girls wrote with ease the things they hated. One girl wrote 12 things in particular, but she couldn’t find one thing she loved.

I almost cried when one of the girls, who reminded me of myself, explained her issues to me and said that she wishes she could be more beautiful like “Ms. Brittany.” I explained to her that she is beautiful and that when I was her age, I went through the exact same things she was. Then I explained to her my own story and she began to cry. Knowing that I am making that kind of impact in my student’s lives is the ultimate reward for me.

I say all of this to explain that we all go through hard times in life. Whether you have childhood trauma, mental health issues, financial issues, relationship issues, or you’re mourning a loss; something beautiful is in the making.

So hold on tight and keep your faith strong. There’s always a rainbow after the storm.

xo, Brittany Kayla

Could it be… that I am the hater??

~ psbrittanykayla ~ 2 Comments

Haters hate because they are not willing to put in the sacrifice that someone else has made to get where they are today. Half of the time, we don’t even realize why we hate on some people. But when I think about if I had ever hated on someone in the past, it was because they had something that I subconsciously wanted. I was not willing to put in the work to get it myself. If I tried, I most likely lacked the consistency to continue.

Let’s be honest… if we want something bad but can’t seem to attain it, the ultimate reason is that it’s a hard task to accomplish! Change does not happen overnight! Your goal might be a job title, a car, a happy relationship, a fit body, or even confidence. All of those things require consistency, hard work, and SACRIFICE.

Often times we hate “for no reason” because it seems as though other people are getting the things we want easily. However, 9 times out of 10, they worked their butts off to get to where they are today.

Some people were lucky enough to get your desires handed to them. You have to realize that the blessings they receive are going to be different from yours. And they too have hard goals that seem impossible to accomplish. Your time will come. However, you have to put in the WORK. Because it won’t come easily for everyone.

Instead of choosing to hate on this person, I encourage you to be their friend. When you support others, you open the door for networking. Think about it! You could probably learn a lot. Instead of talking about them behind closed doors and trying to highlight everything wrong, find the root of your issue. Figure out where that hate and envy is coming from. They probably have something you subconsciously want, and they will most likely be willing to help you get it if you are nice enough!

Networking and making these kinds of friends will ultimately lead to positive change within yourself and your life. When you support other people, they will support you back. For your career especially, building connections is crucial!

So the next time you see someone with something you want, compliment them! Tell them that you admire their hustle and dedication. Ask them questions! It’s okay to ask for help! Sometimes all we need is a bit of humble pie. Lastly, you are going to have to make some sacrifices, because I am sure they did too.

With love,

Brittany Kayla

Overcoming Insecurities

~ psbrittanykayla ~ 1 Comment

From a person that has struggled to love herself all her life, I know how cliché and honestly, unhelpful it is to hear an always smiling, self-proclaimed life motivator yelling through a screen “You are beautiful! Love yourself!” You’ll have a big smile on your face with this rush of confidence and a new and improved, “you can’t tell me nothing” attitude. Resulting in a person who actually feels on top of the world for about one hour until it’s time to step out into the real world.

I know what it feels like to go out, obsessing about what others might be thinking about you. I know what it feels like to get compliments daily, while looking in the mirror at the end of the night and not believing a thing they’ve said. Sometimes I would wish that I could see what others saw in me because I couldn’t imagine seeing anything other than what I saw in myself.

I was always afraid to admit that I had these insecurities. I was scared that I would look weak and pathetic, or like I would be crying for attention and fishing for compliments.

What I ultimately wanted was self-confidence and the ability to not care about what anyone else thought of me or my decisions. So I did my research. And what I found was a YouTube video of a woman saying all she did was looked in the mirror every single day and said, “I love myself.”

So I did it. Every day I would look myself in the eyes saying that I was beautiful. That I was the sh*t! And even if I didn’t believe it just yet, I walked out the room with my head held high thinking, “I am beautiful.”

Eventually I started viewing myself in a different light. I no longer saw myself through the lens of society. The Kardashian, makeup, implant society.

I started seeing myself through a pure lens. The natural Lisa Bonet lens. That, “this is me with no makeup, flaws and all” type of lens.

And I believed it. I still do. It’s not a temporary, false self-confidence. I am beautiful, and you are too.

xo, Brittany Kayla